The Secret to Intimacy

Author: Pastor Cheryl Wilson-Bridges
March 23, 2017

*Readers discretion is advised*

Last week, our Sligo Young Adult Ministry held a Bible study on relationships and marriage.  With twenty-six years of marriage, they graciously invited my husband and me to be presenters. We shared our love story from a much simpler time.


Today we are so hypersexual that true love has lost its meaning.  A 2017 survey conducted by USA Today reveals the current intimacy standards of our Millennials:  "In many ways sex has become a less intimate part of dating, according to Kimberly Resnick Anderson, a certified sex therapist. With dating and hookup apps making it easier than ever to hop in bed, now the intimate part can often times be introducing a partner to friends and family. We used to think of sex as you crossed the line now you are in an intimate zone, but now sex is almost a given and it’s not the intimate part," Anderson said. The intimate part is getting to know someone and going on a date.”[1] Clearly when we lack the proper rules of engagement our love life suffers.


The Secret to intimacy involves learning how to love. Often we seek out self-help books which contain the do's and don'ts of love. But the best example of true love is found in the Good Book. The Bible tells us that God is Love (1 Jn. 4:8). The Ten Commandments, which are woven into the moral fabric of our lives, contain the standards for love and the right rules of engagement for intimacy.


The Right Rules of Engagement 


1. Get to Know the Person.

Once introduced find out critical details about the person. Your first impression speaks volumes (Ex. 20:2).

2. Be Exclusive.

Once you determine the person is worth it; don't date anyone else (Ex. 20:3).

3. Jealously Guard Your Bond.

Don't let outsiders come between you. Learn how to set proper boundaries so that consequences will not occur (Ex. 20:4-5).

4. Don't Be a User.

Be in the relationship for the right reasons. Never use someone or let yourself be used (Ex. 20:7).

5. Learn to Date. 

Spend special time together regularly to become deeply acquainted and fall in love (Ex. 20:8-11).

6. Involve Your Family.

Your family's reaction is a way to reveal insights about your relationship. Get to see one another at home. You will be enlightened (Ex. 20:12)

7. Always Be Kind and Contented.

Don't kill each other's spirits, lie, cheat, or steal each other's joy. Be happy with the each other's  attributes and learn to accept flaws (Ex. 20:13-17). Why because you have flaws too!

God is an expert on love. When you follow His rules for engagement, you can be an expert too. The key that unlocks the secret to intimacy is found in God's Word. Follow these instructions in order and you will find not only joy in a relationship with the right person, but eternal joy in a relationship with God.

[1]           Retrieved from:


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